Learning:: Who I Could Be

May 14, 2013 is where I blog my tots.
It has been more than a year since i blog my tots.

During this period, it is a rough journey.
Firstly, I need to get used to Dad's not around.
Dec 8, 2013 - my beloved Rocky pass away.

Although my mum and I was away for a 2 weeks break, it was recovering stage for both of us.
Coming back to reality, a lot more need to handle.

 Dad had been by my mum side when he was around. It was hard for her and hard for me too.
No one around to talk to and share.
It caused quite a lot of arguments between the family due to my poor management of my emotion.

I need to take up the role to manage the house and my mum.
Although sometime I'm angry why dad left us, I m thankful that he had done so much for this family.
He is the one who take care of the house.
Although he is not the one who good at leading or motivates, he is the one who provide me and the family everything. He is the one who supports all the things I do. I don't need to worry about the bills and meals.
Now I have to learn to manage everything. it is tiring and frustrated.
Throwing my frustration at my mum and my bro.

Hope that family, relatives friends are there for me. Everyone has his/her own family. Why should i let my problem bother others? They always say I never say. Come to think about it even I say, it is still my life. I have to learn to manage it, be it finance, emotional, time and etc...
I look through my Whatapps how many time I m the one who ask how are you? Why should i bother to say.
They r always in my heart. Mum always remind me what you have given to others, you cant get a fair share back in return. Thanks that my mum being there to listen and I know God know how much I treasure them. I just need simple encouragement not pouring cold water on what I do.
Hugs does miracles but how many will do that.
I really learn that some are meant to stay and some meant to let go.

Accompanying my mum becomes my priority. She has been the one who do
es so much for this family too.  I feel like locking up and have no freedom. How much time can we spend with our parents? Want to fulfil my dad's wishes to go around the world with my mum. A setback which she is getting weak. Pray that she recovers and will be bringing her around. I'm also looking for opportunity so as to be able to spend time with her asap.

Having peanut pay but a job with multiple job scopes. Thankful that supervisor and manager understanding. It is a lot of frustration and feel unfairness. I constantly remind myself that count every little blessing. Multiple job scopes help me in my future prospect.

Run away from toxic people and mingle with more positive people.
This world is so broken. Why do I have to let myself being poisoned with negative tots.
Having more healthy activities to make living..living...
Learn to invest in myself and build myself so that I can take care of my mum sooner.
Show her that I m able to take care myself and her. Let the Holy spirit lives in me!